The Art of Goodbye
by TheHildur92
Summary: After five years together, Jack Twist and Ennis Del Mar must bid one another and Brokeback goodbye once more. Will it be different this time?


_The sunlight filtering into the tent awakens me early. I am lying on my right side, facing away from him and turn to look down at his sleeping form. Jack is lying on his back, his breath coming in a steady rhythm. Even though I rarely sleep beside him, I find myself reaching out for him during the night, merely grasping at air._

 _I have lately begun to wonder whether that is all I am doing with him. What do we even have together after five years of this merry-go round? Today, Jack begins the drive back to Texas while I return home to my wife and daughters. Just as certain as my homecoming today will be my return to Brokeback in August. Driving up here this time was different in some way. I stopped on the side of the road and was about to turn around when about half-way to my destination. I began to question this power Jack has over me and pulls me like a moth to a flame._

 _I wish I knew how to leave him._

 _And yet, I kept driving and found my reason suddenly when I came upon our regular campsite with Jack already there. My raven-haired lover gave me little notice before pushing me down into the grass and giving me head as a welcome present._

 _I look at the shadows playing across Jack´s sleeping face and reach out to cup his cheek with my hand. The touch awakens him and he opens his azure eyes, a lazy smile on his face as he pulls me down for a long kiss. Suddenly, I am straddling him, my hands find their way into his dark shorn locks while his roam underneath the white t-shirt I slept in. I melt into his touch and feel the desires of passion slowly wash over me, familiarly like the tides of the sea on a warm summer day. Somewhere during our lovemaking our my hand finds his and I weave our fingers together, the question a haunting, yet honest one. Is this how love is supposed to be?_

 _Afterwards, we get dressed and I gather firewood while Jack heates up the fish we caught yesterday. We had decided to try since our wives think that is what we are doing and ended up catching two large ones, enough for dinner and leftovers for breakfast. During the meal, we don´t say much, aware of our imminent seperation yet again. I´m not good with words but judging from the way Jack pours me more water and gives me most of the fish, I understand how he feels._

 _August seems like a lifetime away._

 _After breakfast we break camp and pack up our stuff into our pick-ups. The silence is broken by a comment from Jack as he stares up at the rising sun. "It´s gonna be hell out on the road now. Think I´m gonna wait to evening to get going."_

 _I nod in agreement. My lover grabs a harness from his truck and heads over to where we stored the horses. It´s an old structure used for keeping sheep under some old oak trees but has remained intact and is thus perfect for our purposes. The horses lift their heads from the green grass and neigh in greeting when we enter the fence. I brush them down while Jack feeds them water. Once this is done, Jack selects the brown mare and puts the harness on her and swings himself onto her back with grace I did not know he possessed. I am about to turn away to fetch the harness for the other horse when Jack holds out his hand, with the playful smile on his features reserved for me alone, or so I like to think. "You coming, Ennis?"_

 _I return his smile, grab his hand and jump behind him on the horse. Jack steers the mare towards our favourite swimming spot by the river. By the time we arrive there the sun is high in the sky beating down on us and therefore, I am grateful to ascend from the horse, and engage in a race with Jack towards the water, shedding our clothes as we go along. We splash and frolick for what seems like hours, the mountain echoing with our laughs. At one point my eyes meet Jack´s and they seem to reflect the colour of the sky behind him. On impulse, I reach out to kiss him. Usually, our kisses are hesitant, like the first one, or passionate like the one we shared after being reunited after all those years. This one is slow, sensual and filled with, dare I say it...love._

 _Time seems to stop and it seems Jack and I are alone in the world. There is nothing outside of me, him and Brokeback. The birds sing over our heads as we lie in the grass and listen to the song of the river as the sun dries our skin._

 _Reluctantly, Jack finally rises and makes the observation we need to return for him to start the long journey back to Texas. We pull on our jeans and boots, but leave the shirts behind on the edge of the water. I am the one guiding the horse while Jack rides behind me, his arms around my waist and his cheek resting on my shoulderblade. His skin is warm against my own and I treasure the feeling, not knowing when it may return._

 _When we return to camp we fetch both horses, brush them down, water them and prepare them for the journey back to Riverton. Once they are in the horsecart connected to my pick-up, we retrieve new shirts from our bags and put them on._

 _We make tentative plans for August but too soon Jack tells me goodbye and opens up the door to his car. He is about to get in when I finally find my voice._

" _I love you, Jack."_

 _All thoughts of being gone suddenly seem to vanish into thin air. All Jack can do is stand there frozen, one hand on the door of the pick-up. It´s as if he doubts my words._

" _I just wanted you to know, is all."_

 _Jack manages a nod, and then before I can react, he walks up to me and pulls me into his arms tightly enough to make breathing an issue. I feel his heart beat against my own. I wrap my arms around his neck while those of Jack encircle my waist. Then, before I can react he turns away, walks to his pick-up and drives away, leaving me in the dust._

 _I only call him once. Then let him go._

 _In another place, two shirts left by the water´s edge are carried away by the stream._


End file.
